I feel the same way too

It was our anniversary. On that very day, I was so caught up with my own problems n feelings that I totally lost track of the time. Since he went back to his normal life in Perth, I suddenly felt the distance. Magnified. Of course we have our ups and downs. And at this very moment we're striving to get past the down curve in this journey together. As long as we stop picking on each others fault and so I thought. Wrong.

In life, we often find ourselves confronted with things that we try hardest to avoid. And so we've been avoiding the topic for as long as we can. The time is drawing closer and there's no other choice but to talk about it. While I wish that I can spend my every single day being with him, I realize that I have only one shot in life to start my career in the UK. Sometimes I suffocate from being too logical. I feel that there are many things that are beyond my control. And hence to get a better control means trying my best to achieve the most of what I'm capable of.

Nevertheless, trying to take control means losing control. Its like a double-edged sword. I take control of my career yet I may lose control in the relationship. He has his point. We may not be able to talk the long hours, webcam whenever we want or see each other for 1 whole year. We may not be as involved as we are in each others' lives..... But I have faith.... I have faith that if it is meant to be, it will be for the better..... As much as I'm determined to stay, I find it quite overwhelming myself. I have to start my life all over again in a place where I don't really have friends. ALONE. It's gonna be my 4th time doing that in my life. And now I may not be given a choice to go back home or to go visit him before I start my war. =( I'm tired.. tired of being independent. I just wanna be with him.

P/s: And he blew me away again with his self-composed song as an anniversary surprise. Its as beautiful as his soul.

His favourite song

A song which brings back a lot of beautiful memories.....



Love you baby...

Nothing beats H.O.M.E

My trip back to KK was a very short one. Two days before I departed, I met Baby Amanda Jane, Jacinta, Mei (Sharon) and Andy at Pizza Hut. It was a long time since i saw Mei & Andy.

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"The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.." -Yuslina

Friends come and friends go, but some remain in our lives forever. Though we live different lives now, and may not have much to say, sometimes you just know deep down that they are the ones that you can trust and rely on for life....

(Tsk tskk... don't they both look adorable together? =D )

No matter how happy we are to have known Baby Amanda, nothing can be compared to the glint of happiness in Jacinta's eyes..... Different from before, she now exudes an aura of strength and happiness. Its as if she found a new meaning to life.....

(Stolen from Sharon)

Let's move on to my family and his. Grandma was in KK for a couple of days. She looks healthy. Everybody else is pretty much the same. Oh my bro's muscles are starting to form (after all the hard work at gym!).

And Uncle's surprise birthday dinner at Grazie!!

Did not really get to spend time with uncle and aunty this trip because they had work to attend to at Tawau. Nevertheless, I'm very happy that our families are getting along nicely! ^.^ God's blessing.

Let it free

When we're in love, we may unconsciously become someone else. Someone we don't wanna be. Why should there be jealousy when our other half hangs out with someone of the opposite sex who have been their bffs way before we stepped into their lives? Why do we get upset when he goes out at night while we stay at home? Since when does a phone conversation with the opposite sex become a crime? Since when did love become something so jealous, so impatient, so controlling, so....... scary? Sometimes we cannot help feeling how we feel... for...

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know"
- Pascal

I'm pretty sure that most of us if not all during the crush or falling in love period used to be very cool and understanding. Both guys and girl alright. We girls can wear super low cut tops or micro minis, he will give u thumbs up for being sexy. He can hang out with his bff (be it a male or female) anytime, anywhere, even clubs. So why take his/her freedom away when the relationship has begun? Shouldn't we trust that whatever he/she decides to do, they will not do anything to hurt us? (If they do sth rili wrong than perhaps they dont deserve you).

The more you can't get hold of something, the more you desire. It's just like ur mum asking the lil you not to eat sweets but then u still do when she's not around. If he / she really loves you, they will one day willingly stop. You wouldn't wanna know that ur gf has been out clubbing last night when you THOUGHT you put her to bed at 8 right?

I guess that's pretty much why I've heard many of my girlfriends say "the best part of a relationship is during courtship, before the start of arelationship." Where have the rosy moments gone? Why allow our own insecurities limit our happiness right? Maybe its time to let your other half decide what he/she want..and what not...

Trust, hope, persevere

p/s: The examples given above are not all about my relationship, but of those around me.

I want one too!

Went through my emails yesterday. I'm amazed at what people can do these days. Pictures above. Why does the pictures always have to appear on top of the blog instead of the bottom or middle or whatever?? Hrm....But yeah.. anyway i wonder how it feels to wear these colourful balloon dresses. Beautiful barbie-like dresses! *twinkling eyes* haha. It must 've been rili hard for the models to put em on though. Imagine the squeaky sounds at the touch of the normal balloons. Haha.

=D I'm feeling much better today.. Hehe... i was sleeping like a log. Am loving the weather these few days, especially today. Its 5.51 am now. Bright blue sky. Birds chirping. Sunny yet chilly. Hmm it feels so good.

I got to see a happy face on my screen not long ago. Great start. I've FINALLY started reading n writing my thesis introduction. A good feeling that today is going to be a productive one. Haha. Well my goal is to finish the stupid intro by sunday and meet my lecturer on monday.

Anyway. Flashbacks. flashbacks. flashbacking. flashbacked. *teet* I miss my ninja night with him. I remember very clearly that night that mum was having discussions with her downlines. So we were whispering and hiding outside the shoe cupboard. Trying hard to hold in our laughters ^.^ I remember him trying to act like the heroes in action movies where they try to stay low, quiet n move very quickly when there's no one. It was funny. We had toe fights, thumb fights, golf lessons and dancing lessons. *sigh* I miss those times. =)

A night at Angie's

Woke up at 4.30 am today. Still feeling as empty as a drum, I guess i need more time to knock in the fact that I now have to live my life the same way before the magnificent 66 days in cloud 9. For now, isolation. Im in no state of socializing. Not just yet.

Perhaps i should think of the happy moments. I miss the time when we stayed over at Angie"s (y cant i type in the apostrophe? hrm...). Our escapade from revisions and assignments *winks*. Haha...

We bought lots of food... oven-baked pizza, garlic bread, juices, chips chips n morreee chips. Tried to beat each other"s score in wii fit, volleyball, boxing, tennis, etc.... The look on his face when i finally defeated him. Haha. Priceless. He said that it was his intention to let me win ^.^ His triumphant look on the other hand gave me more motivation to try harder to beat his score! haha..

We watched some weird movies too. As the fast paced music started to drum our ears, I automatically covered my eyes. He on the other hand tried to hold my hand down. Hehe....Angie n I fell asleep before the last movie ended n he would b the only one who watched it all *sigh*. I wish i could turn back time. Cant stop thinking of him.

On the other side of the world

Trying hard to pretend the non-existence of the most stubborn mucus clotting my right nose, I have decided to create a proper blogosphere.

Sitting on my bed. Emptiness. I miss him. I miss my family. I miss home.

14 hours since my kk-brunei-dubai-london flight + coach ride to coventry. I tear-ed just at the mere thought of him, my family and his family. What more when i receive their text messages or calls.

He was right beside me for slightly more than 2 months. 66 days to be exact. Perth and Kota Kinabalu. I admit there were times where I wished I could just disappear into the thin air. The arguments which seemed to matter so much back then is nothing compared to how much I miss him at this very moment. We were part of each others life, not like we were'nt before. The difference is that we didnt need technology to keep us in each others life. Back to the time 7 hours time difference and the need for msn, skype & facebook.

I shouldnt be sad because it ended. Instead I should be happy because it happened. Right?

Longing once more for him to be by my side.