A bad day

I understand that everyone of us have different personalities due to different upbringing, environment, etc. But shouldn't everyone who finished primary school at least understand the meaning of manners? I feel very uncomfortable whenever u think u own whatever I own. My willingness to share certain things with you does not give u the authority to make any decisions for me or to do whatever u want with my things (unless told). I would really appreciate some courtesy to ask me.. n NOT tell me what you have already decided to do with it.

Hrm... Today's not a very good day. I feel that some things in my life aren't as perfect as I thought it was. Obviously I failed to get the message across. Suddenly I find myself floating through the clouds of doubt. What is real, and what is not? What has the world done to change such a beautiful soul? perhaps, what have I done to it?

The Transsexual

Ohh I love Amy! She's so humorous! Notice both Shan & Rozz's reactions.. haha

"Nolah what do you think.. Go market chop fish head"

Haha.. Hilarious!

Born to be friends

Dear PAS(S),

Mei I regret I didn't spend more time with you. To be honest, I had the same questions at the back of my head. "Will anyone of us have anything to say? Will it be awkward? How will it be? What if she keeps quiet and say nothing at all? I wanna hug her, but will she think that we're not close enough to have body contact?"

Perhaps both of us were too afraid to see that any one of us have changed? or maybe it was only me? To be honest I miss those PASS times too. Just like you and dra, I wish I spent more time with you girls. My biggest regret. I know I was the one who put least effort into our friendships but yet both of you still have me in your hearts. It means so much to me, so much that I don't think any of you will understand. Thank you very much for not judging me like the world. I know mei that we may not have been the closest in PASS, in a sense that I don't rili speak my heart out, my problems, but I do know that we have a strong bond. I know that ur the one who will not cease to believe me even if the world turns against me. Somehow I'm very protective of you.

I'm sorry dra for being the picker, for complaining and for being so ignorant during our last years. I was so wrapped up with my uncountable problems during that time that all I saw was negativity. I'm very sorry for being such a lil girl back then who mistreated you at times. I still clearly remember our stayovers, and us getting ready before our part time work at Tg. Aru beach hotel. I miss those times too. I'm glad that til' now we still talk and share our thoughts. I really appreciate the fact that both of you have made so much effort to meet me. Dra in London and Mei in KK. Very very grateful my dears. As for our missing S, all i can say is that i wish she's living a good life wherever she may be. If I could turn back time, I would change many things. But here we are, as old as ever! All there is to do, is appreciate and cherish the times we have left in dis world... lol...haha....lots of love.

P/S: The keychain engraved with "Born to be friends" (and our young faces on it.. haha)meant and still means the world to me.Love you both.

Grumbles grumbles

Its getting warmer these days and I wouldn't survive with my windows shut. The stupid birds! *flaps flaps n a big loud thud* I see one standing on my window pane trying to go through the wide-enough-for-it to enter window gap. My heart races everytime i try to close the windows before they squeeze theirselves through. You silly pigeons & magpies! STAY AWAY FROM MY WINDOW!!

Ewww

I read about piles (haemorrhoids) last night. I've heard a lot bout it from my mum since she regularly meet clients with health problems. If you don't know what it is, it is like an excess fleshy lump that you can feel inside or on the outside of your anus (see the picture above). You know you have it when you...

1. feel it at your backside (when showering or for whatever reason you're touching it)
   
2. bleed when passing motion (bright red but not like period blood okay)
3. find it itchy underneath
4. see soiling on your underwear

.

Out of curiosity I googled it. Boy it's disgusting and ugly.
(The one on the right looks more like a mole to me.. haha)

Ways to treat:

1. Surgery (I heard they stick something into your anus...ewww)
   
2. Prescribed cream (may not work for everyone)
   
3. Maintain high-fibre meals

I realized that I hardly take fibre (apart from the organic drink that i take seasonally..haha!). To be honest, there was a period of time where I bled almost everytime I passed motion. I recall mum saying that her client's piles (which were as big as grapes) dropped of after she went on organic fasting for a few weeks. And so that is what I'm going to do. Whether or not I have it I'll still fast coz I wouldn't wanna have the ugly stuff anywhere near my anus. And so i went to Tesco's just now and bought these...

.
Pak Choi, Bran cereals, Baked beans, Pears, Apples, Heart sth lettuce / cabbage (i dont remember), broccoli, and bananas...

muh plan:

1. Drink organic as frequently as possible (every 2-3 hours)
2. Eat fruits / cereal / boiled vegies when i feel hungry
3. Drink lots of water

Perhaps I should ask mum to send me a few more bottles. The big question is...
Can I resist the temptation of the tidbits?? Hrm...We'll see... ^.^

Nothing beats H.O.M.E

My trip back to KK was a very short one. Two days before I departed, I met Baby Amanda Jane, Jacinta, Mei (Sharon) and Andy at Pizza Hut. It was a long time since i saw Mei & Andy.

.
"The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.." -Yuslina

Friends come and friends go, but some remain in our lives forever. Though we live different lives now, and may not have much to say, sometimes you just know deep down that they are the ones that you can trust and rely on for life....

(Tsk tskk... don't they both look adorable together? =D )

No matter how happy we are to have known Baby Amanda, nothing can be compared to the glint of happiness in Jacinta's eyes..... Different from before, she now exudes an aura of strength and happiness. Its as if she found a new meaning to life.....

(Stolen from Sharon)

Let's move on to my family and his. Grandma was in KK for a couple of days. She looks healthy. Everybody else is pretty much the same. Oh my bro's muscles are starting to form (after all the hard work at gym!).

And Uncle's surprise birthday dinner at Grazie!!

Did not really get to spend time with uncle and aunty this trip because they had work to attend to at Tawau. Nevertheless, I'm very happy that our families are getting along nicely! ^.^ God's blessing.

Let it free

When we're in love, we may unconsciously become someone else. Someone we don't wanna be. Why should there be jealousy when our other half hangs out with someone of the opposite sex who have been their bffs way before we stepped into their lives? Why do we get upset when he goes out at night while we stay at home? Since when does a phone conversation with the opposite sex become a crime? Since when did love become something so jealous, so impatient, so controlling, so....... scary? Sometimes we cannot help feeling how we feel... for...

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know"
- Pascal

I'm pretty sure that most of us if not all during the crush or falling in love period used to be very cool and understanding. Both guys and girl alright. We girls can wear super low cut tops or micro minis, he will give u thumbs up for being sexy. He can hang out with his bff (be it a male or female) anytime, anywhere, even clubs. So why take his/her freedom away when the relationship has begun? Shouldn't we trust that whatever he/she decides to do, they will not do anything to hurt us? (If they do sth rili wrong than perhaps they dont deserve you).

The more you can't get hold of something, the more you desire. It's just like ur mum asking the lil you not to eat sweets but then u still do when she's not around. If he / she really loves you, they will one day willingly stop. You wouldn't wanna know that ur gf has been out clubbing last night when you THOUGHT you put her to bed at 8 right?

I guess that's pretty much why I've heard many of my girlfriends say "the best part of a relationship is during courtship, before the start of arelationship." Where have the rosy moments gone? Why allow our own insecurities limit our happiness right? Maybe its time to let your other half decide what he/she want..and what not...

Trust, hope, persevere

p/s: The examples given above are not all about my relationship, but of those around me.

Ini mini miny moe

15th - Tong & Chan's Convocation
17th- Ja Pei's Convocation
17th-23rd- Uncle's birthday celebration

There are 3 important events next month. Tong and Chan are in Hull, and Ja Pei in Birmingham. The 3 of them used to be my room mates during our college years in China. Reasons I should attend their convocation:

1. Graduation is one of the important events in life
   
2. I have not seen Tong & Chan for years not even during their stay in UK!
3. I don't know when I'll ever meet them again?
   

My uncle on the other hand, will be celebrating his 51st or is it 50th birthday at Edinburgh, Scotland. Reasons to go:

1. Parents strongly encourage me to go because I have missed a few family reunions for 2-3 years in a row.
2. Because they're my FAMILY!
3. They flew all the way from Hong Kong + cousin Olie who's travelling all over the world

Given that, I feel the pressure to do my dissertation as the time is ticking..FAST.

My instinct tells me that I shouldn't go because:

1. I know that I will have a lot of work to do
   
2. Even if I attend any one event i will feel GUILTY deep down
3. I will feel GUILTY ( I had to say it once more)
   

Travelling expense to Edinburgh.

Air :1 hour (GBP 100)
Rail: 4-6 hour (+-40)

Travelling by air is so much more expensive but its so much more convenient. The thought of having to travel alone again slows down the beat of my heart. Reminds me of the time where I had to wave goodbye at him and my family, fighting back the tears everytime i felt my eyes burn *Heart sinks*....

Feels like I'm finding an excuse to isolate myself again. But I guess its not this time because I really feel the pressure. If I fail my dissertation, I won't get my masters degree. What should I do?

The way it should be

Life is short
Break the rules
forgive quickly
kiss passionately, love truly
laugh constantly
And never stop smiling
no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be
but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

I want one too!

Went through my emails yesterday. I'm amazed at what people can do these days. Pictures above. Why does the pictures always have to appear on top of the blog instead of the bottom or middle or whatever?? Hrm....But yeah.. anyway i wonder how it feels to wear these colourful balloon dresses. Beautiful barbie-like dresses! *twinkling eyes* haha. It must 've been rili hard for the models to put em on though. Imagine the squeaky sounds at the touch of the normal balloons. Haha.

=D I'm feeling much better today.. Hehe... i was sleeping like a log. Am loving the weather these few days, especially today. Its 5.51 am now. Bright blue sky. Birds chirping. Sunny yet chilly. Hmm it feels so good.

I got to see a happy face on my screen not long ago. Great start. I've FINALLY started reading n writing my thesis introduction. A good feeling that today is going to be a productive one. Haha. Well my goal is to finish the stupid intro by sunday and meet my lecturer on monday.

Anyway. Flashbacks. flashbacks. flashbacking. flashbacked. *teet* I miss my ninja night with him. I remember very clearly that night that mum was having discussions with her downlines. So we were whispering and hiding outside the shoe cupboard. Trying hard to hold in our laughters ^.^ I remember him trying to act like the heroes in action movies where they try to stay low, quiet n move very quickly when there's no one. It was funny. We had toe fights, thumb fights, golf lessons and dancing lessons. *sigh* I miss those times. =)

A night at Angie's

Woke up at 4.30 am today. Still feeling as empty as a drum, I guess i need more time to knock in the fact that I now have to live my life the same way before the magnificent 66 days in cloud 9. For now, isolation. Im in no state of socializing. Not just yet.

Perhaps i should think of the happy moments. I miss the time when we stayed over at Angie"s (y cant i type in the apostrophe? hrm...). Our escapade from revisions and assignments *winks*. Haha...

We bought lots of food... oven-baked pizza, garlic bread, juices, chips chips n morreee chips. Tried to beat each other"s score in wii fit, volleyball, boxing, tennis, etc.... The look on his face when i finally defeated him. Haha. Priceless. He said that it was his intention to let me win ^.^ His triumphant look on the other hand gave me more motivation to try harder to beat his score! haha..

We watched some weird movies too. As the fast paced music started to drum our ears, I automatically covered my eyes. He on the other hand tried to hold my hand down. Hehe....Angie n I fell asleep before the last movie ended n he would b the only one who watched it all *sigh*. I wish i could turn back time. Cant stop thinking of him.

On the other side of the world

Trying hard to pretend the non-existence of the most stubborn mucus clotting my right nose, I have decided to create a proper blogosphere.

Sitting on my bed. Emptiness. I miss him. I miss my family. I miss home.

14 hours since my kk-brunei-dubai-london flight + coach ride to coventry. I tear-ed just at the mere thought of him, my family and his family. What more when i receive their text messages or calls.

He was right beside me for slightly more than 2 months. 66 days to be exact. Perth and Kota Kinabalu. I admit there were times where I wished I could just disappear into the thin air. The arguments which seemed to matter so much back then is nothing compared to how much I miss him at this very moment. We were part of each others life, not like we were'nt before. The difference is that we didnt need technology to keep us in each others life. Back to the time 7 hours time difference and the need for msn, skype & facebook.

I shouldnt be sad because it ended. Instead I should be happy because it happened. Right?

Longing once more for him to be by my side.